do you know me?

Looking around i feel comfortable at least,
surrounded by friends
but yet outside.
shrunken.
even though i tower above they all seem more involved than i.
and one text.
that's all it takes.
preventing my freedom and waking me up from the most pleasant dream
into a reality that seems more like the dream.
more like a nightmare.
one feeling deep down
that i don't belong here,
they do.i can see it. because i observe them,
i try to interact but....
i don't know where i belong
but i don't think it's here.
i try... i so desperately try and i love the feeling of being here
of being with you
beauty above and around
felt deep down.
trying on the outside. to appear like the others.
hiding on the inside and cowering with uncertainty.
where do i go?
i have plans but they might make things worse.
might make this hellish reality into a curse
where do i feel best?
is there even a place that i can relax?
a place where i can be myself?
how can such a place exist when i do not know myself
or who i am